Dear X.

Dear X,

I’ve been trying to hold on to you for so long, but I realized I was holding on to a ghost, because the You that I miss is not really you anymore. You’ve changed, you’re a totally different person, and it’s foolish of me to think that you’ll ever be who you used to be, and selfish of me to ask you to do that. It hurts too much to be like this, pretending that everything’s okay, when it’s not. I can’t do this anymore, to myself and to you. I can’t keep lying anymore..

I’m letting go, and I hope it’s for real this time. I know I’m hurting you, but trust me, no one’s as hurt as I am right now. I know it’s gonna be bad now, but it’s better this way, for both of us.

I’m going to miss everything about you, your morning texts, your random calls during the day, our long conversations in the night, our silly fights, the hugs, our weird picture taking [haha], I’m gonna miss your long lectures, and all those times when you held me while I cried telling me that it’s all going to be alright. You were always right.

And now it’s your turn to listen to me when I tell you that it’s all going to be alright for us, it’ll all get better, and we’ll both be happy in the end. I promise you.

Know that I love you, and I always will.

Goodbye.

I found this letter while going through old diaries last night, and I thought I’d share it.

xoxo

Sillyme.


Confession #1.

I have a list of things I need to confess about. And I need to let it all out. So I’m gonna do it here. Starting now, here goes..

Confession #1. Sometimes I hurt people, intentionally.

I know, I know, I’m bad, but sometimes I just can’t help it.

For example. Last week, I was talking to my ex, and we were just catching up on each other’s lives and having a friendly conversation, but suddenly, I don’t know what happened, it all came back to me, how he hurt me. I know the break up wasn’t his fault but I can’t accept it any other way. So I lost control, I said some things I know I shouldn’t have, and I know I hurt him. It felt so right at the moment and i felt happy to see him hurt. Later on, when I went over our conversation, I felt terrible, but there’s nothing that I could do about that now, could I? I didn’t want to apologize, because I don’t feel I should, but it just makes me sad that I do that at times.

I don’t know if it’s okay, I don’t know if it’s wrong. But that’s who I am.

Sometimes, I feel like I am not the person I wanted to be.

But, I’m glad I’m not.  ❤

xoxo.

Sillyme.

P.S. Here’s a song for you to check out. It’s Jason Mraz’s latest and I ❤ it.

 

 

Happy beginning.

Hello!

How did you guys celebrate New Years? I was just at a small party with my friends, dance, music and good food. What else can one want? 😉

For me, 2011 was a year filled with mixed feelings, new experiences, making new friends, keeping the old ones, finding love and losing it. It was a wonderful year indeed, but, I’m glad it’s over. Like Barney Stinson had said, “New is always better.” I like to believe that.

Speaking of new, I’d like to start the year off with a diet. I’m not content with how I look, I’m not fat, but I could look better.

So if any of you guys know any ways to lose a couple of pounds real quick do let me know, I’d appreciate it. 🙂

More tomorrow.

xoxo

Sillyme.