Sweet Escape…

Wow, it’s been a while since I actually sat myself down and written anything, doodling in my French text book not taken into consideration, haha.

I miss writing! It was really a big part of me, still is, and I want to write, write and keep writing, about life, about love, about anything, I just want to get my thoughts out there, and not let them just sit there at the back of my mind, get old and dusty and forgotten..

My life has become pretty hectic now. It’s pretty much the same routine everyday. I wake up, breakfast, gym, shower, prepare for college, college, home, catch up on some reading/watch a movie maybe, spend sometime on the social networks, to catch up on my school friends lives, dinner, and then I’m off to bed.

I don’t sleep right away, never did. For me, the midnight contemplations are unavoidable. I think about my life, about how mechanical it is. I think about my college, the place I hate the most, perhaps. But more on that in the next post, though it might take more than one post to describe how I feel about the place.

I drift away into another world slowly, a world where I fit in, where my social awkwardness is considered normal, and where the only fake things, are the duplicates from China, heh. Where girls don’t hide behind layers of make up, and where everyday is not a competition. Where guys don’t strip you naked with their eyes, wondering whether you should blame them or yourself..

I feel like I need to get away from my robot life, escape from it all for a while, just live for me, do what I want to do, and not care whether it’s acceptable by society. Just need to let loose. To do something different, to be something different…oh how I wish I could.

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Hard.

I have been away for a really long time, like a REALLY long time.

I’ve been busy with college admissions and settling in college and making new friends and whatnot.

College is not the best place ever, but I’m getting by. Like every college story, there is a guy..and like every love story, there is a complication..

Here, the complication being him completely unaware that I have feelings for him because I always treated him in the ‘friend’ way but I suddenly fell for him, he got to me..

It’s hard to look at him, and not feel bad, hard to see him flirt with other girls and tell me about it, and not feel jealous, hard to resist the urge to hold his hand whenever we’re alone. It’s just hard. I dont know how to tell him, how to let him know. And until I figure it out, it’s gonna keep being hard..

Just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,
You gotta get up and try, try, try..

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XOXO,
Sillyme.

Feelin’ happy? ❤

The past few days, I was depressed, unhappy, unsatisfied, and cranky.

I realized I was searching for reasons to be happy. How silly.

Who needs reason? Just be happy!

There are people who want you sad, who want you unhappy, who are just waiting for things to go wrong. There are obstacles, failures, and there’s bad luck.

But instead of worrying and giving a shit, we can just be happy. Not for anyone, just for ourselves.

So, I’m on my Christmas break, going to go for some girl-only time [come on , we all need it] with my friends. ❤

And I’m going to be very very happy, just because. I don’t need a reason. Neither do you. 🙂

 

xoxo

Sillyme.

Can you fill in the blank? 🙂

Wrong, or right? ❤

If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           – John Wooden.

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I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my not so long life. I’ve lied to the people that trusted me, I hurt the people that loved me, I ignored the people that wanted me, I avoided the people that needed me, expecting them to be there for me when I needed them. And surprisingly, they were there for me at all times, despite the things I did and the words I said. Of course not everyone, but I’m glad, because now I know the people who can love me at my best, and handle me at my worst.

I’ve got involved in a relationship, I made a lot of mistakes there, I got my heart broken, and broken again and I’m still healing. But I’m glad, ’cause now I know what kind of people this World has to offer.

My Dad has left us this year, I don’t know if it’s my fault, but even if it is, I’m glad because now I know what a wonderful strong person my mother is, supporting me and my brother all on her own.

I’ve been ignorant to some of my duties, and I’ve learnt that there are consequences to everything, and unless you’re prepared, don’t go that way. I’m more responsible now.

I’ve grown a lot this year, and I’ve become a better person than I was last year.

I’m a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better student, and hopefully I’ll be a better girlfriend sometime soon.

I’ve become more mature and more independent now, and I can answer for my own mistakes.

So don’t let a couple of mistakes affect you, because, two wrongs always, always make a right.  ❤

xoxo

Sillyme.