Sweet Escape…

Wow, it’s been a while since I actually sat myself down and written anything, doodling in my French text book not taken into consideration, haha.

I miss writing! It was really a big part of me, still is, and I want to write, write and keep writing, about life, about love, about anything, I just want to get my thoughts out there, and not let them just sit there at the back of my mind, get old and dusty and forgotten..

My life has become pretty hectic now. It’s pretty much the same routine everyday. I wake up, breakfast, gym, shower, prepare for college, college, home, catch up on some reading/watch a movie maybe, spend sometime on the social networks, to catch up on my school friends lives, dinner, and then I’m off to bed.

I don’t sleep right away, never did. For me, the midnight contemplations are unavoidable. I think about my life, about how mechanical it is. I think about my college, the place I hate the most, perhaps. But more on that in the next post, though it might take more than one post to describe how I feel about the place.

I drift away into another world slowly, a world where I fit in, where my social awkwardness is considered normal, and where the only fake things, are the duplicates from China, heh. Where girls don’t hide behind layers of make up, and where everyday is not a competition. Where guys don’t strip you naked with their eyes, wondering whether you should blame them or yourself..

I feel like I need to get away from my robot life, escape from it all for a while, just live for me, do what I want to do, and not care whether it’s acceptable by society. Just need to let loose. To do something different, to be something different…oh how I wish I could.

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The end is here..

The Mayans have predicted, that 21st December 2012 would be the ‘doomsday’. Of course, we’re all still alive [thank God], but in a way, the Mayans were right. They predicted that this day would bring the end of humanity, and in my opinion, though we’re all alive, our humanity is slowly fading away..

What got me here, is an incident that happened in my country, India, and only God knows how ashamed I feel right now to be a part of this, to have a share of any of this, this inhuman brutality.

A 23 year old girl, was gang raped by 6 men in a moving bus.. The girl was a student, she hopped on to a bus along with her friend, as she was in a hurry. The bus driver and his drunk friends then launched their attack. They hit her friend, who tried to protect her, with an iron rod, and threw him out on the street. Then they raped the poor girl one by one, and at the end they inserted an iron rod into the girls vagina, and then, threw her out of the moving bus, naked. She was lying there on the ground, without any clothes on, and no one stopped to help her or at least, cover her..

She was delivered to the hospital in a very critical condition, with injuries all over her body, especially her stomach and intestines. She fell in and out of comas since December 16th, and has been crying non-stop..her only fault was getting on the wrong bus.

In a country like India, rape victims suffer the worst. They are left scarred for life. The society will never accept them, and no one would marry them, they would be looked down on for the rest of their life, because no, in India, it is the woman’s fault that she was raped, as she ‘provoked’ the ‘innocent’ men into raping her. Yes of course, blame the women, I mean it’s her fault that she was not covered head to toe. And, in India, provocative clothing are things like knee length skirts and sleeveless tops, and hair tied up in ponytails. Yes these are the signs inviting those poor helpless men to commit to these acts. What are they to do, they can’t control their needs right? So they rape the stupid woman, she had it coming anyway.

THIS DISGUSTS ME.

Women deserve to be treated equally to men, they have a right to be. They don’t deserve to be abused by men, just cause they assume that they are the higher sex and are free to use women as they wish. So what if they have ‘needs’? Go masturbate in a corner, or get a whore if you have to! [excuse my language] but I bet those bastards can’t even afford that..

And coming back to the great Indian government, who thinks that the right punishment for this kind of behaviour is, no, not death or castration, but jail and get bailed out after three months.

IT’S LIKE THEY’RE INVITING MORE MEN TO RAPE WOMEN, TELLING THEM THAT IT’S SO EASY TO GET AWAY WITH IT.

Where is this world heading?.. What has happened to humanity, to compassion, to ‘love one another’, and no they didn’t mean THIS kind of sick love.

My heart aches for this poor girl, who did absolutely nothing to deserve all this pain, and for all the other women, and young girls, and even children- yes! That’s how sick they are – who were scarred for life, and some of them even lost their lives, because of sick men like these.

I can’t even imagine what it felt like, what pain they went through, but what I can do, is do my best as a citizen, to try and create awareness and send a message to the society, and let these poor women know that they are not alone, that they are backed up by millions of people, in India, and around the works as well, I’m sure.

Stay strong, never lose faith, justice will be served, and those ANIMALS, will pay.

Share this message to all your friends and family, let the world know.

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xoxo

Sillyme.

Finally!

Hey, so here’s an update on my life.

Remember the guy I told you I like? Well, I spoke to him about it, and told him that I really like him and that he’d be much happier with me than with the other girl, and days later, HE ASKED ME OUT!!! Yay! I was so happy, still am!

There’s one issue though, he’s about my height, we’re both 5″7! And though I don’t have an issue with this, umm, I heard by principle the guy has to be atleast 6″ taller than you. I like him a lot and it doesn’t matter to me, but do you think that would affect our relationship in the future? I mean what if I wanna wear heels?..

Have you ever been with a guy shorter/same height as you, or a girl same height/taller than you?

How did it feel? All opinions welcome here.

xoxo,
Sillyme.

Hard.

I have been away for a really long time, like a REALLY long time.

I’ve been busy with college admissions and settling in college and making new friends and whatnot.

College is not the best place ever, but I’m getting by. Like every college story, there is a guy..and like every love story, there is a complication..

Here, the complication being him completely unaware that I have feelings for him because I always treated him in the ‘friend’ way but I suddenly fell for him, he got to me..

It’s hard to look at him, and not feel bad, hard to see him flirt with other girls and tell me about it, and not feel jealous, hard to resist the urge to hold his hand whenever we’re alone. It’s just hard. I dont know how to tell him, how to let him know. And until I figure it out, it’s gonna keep being hard..

Just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,
You gotta get up and try, try, try..

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XOXO,
Sillyme.

Dear X.

Dear X,

I’ve been trying to hold on to you for so long, but I realized I was holding on to a ghost, because the You that I miss is not really you anymore. You’ve changed, you’re a totally different person, and it’s foolish of me to think that you’ll ever be who you used to be, and selfish of me to ask you to do that. It hurts too much to be like this, pretending that everything’s okay, when it’s not. I can’t do this anymore, to myself and to you. I can’t keep lying anymore..

I’m letting go, and I hope it’s for real this time. I know I’m hurting you, but trust me, no one’s as hurt as I am right now. I know it’s gonna be bad now, but it’s better this way, for both of us.

I’m going to miss everything about you, your morning texts, your random calls during the day, our long conversations in the night, our silly fights, the hugs, our weird picture taking [haha], I’m gonna miss your long lectures, and all those times when you held me while I cried telling me that it’s all going to be alright. You were always right.

And now it’s your turn to listen to me when I tell you that it’s all going to be alright for us, it’ll all get better, and we’ll both be happy in the end. I promise you.

Know that I love you, and I always will.

Goodbye.

I found this letter while going through old diaries last night, and I thought I’d share it.

xoxo

Sillyme.


Confession #1.

I have a list of things I need to confess about. And I need to let it all out. So I’m gonna do it here. Starting now, here goes..

Confession #1. Sometimes I hurt people, intentionally.

I know, I know, I’m bad, but sometimes I just can’t help it.

For example. Last week, I was talking to my ex, and we were just catching up on each other’s lives and having a friendly conversation, but suddenly, I don’t know what happened, it all came back to me, how he hurt me. I know the break up wasn’t his fault but I can’t accept it any other way. So I lost control, I said some things I know I shouldn’t have, and I know I hurt him. It felt so right at the moment and i felt happy to see him hurt. Later on, when I went over our conversation, I felt terrible, but there’s nothing that I could do about that now, could I? I didn’t want to apologize, because I don’t feel I should, but it just makes me sad that I do that at times.

I don’t know if it’s okay, I don’t know if it’s wrong. But that’s who I am.

Sometimes, I feel like I am not the person I wanted to be.

But, I’m glad I’m not.  ❤

xoxo.

Sillyme.

P.S. Here’s a song for you to check out. It’s Jason Mraz’s latest and I ❤ it.

 

 

Wrong, or right? ❤

If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           – John Wooden.

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I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my not so long life. I’ve lied to the people that trusted me, I hurt the people that loved me, I ignored the people that wanted me, I avoided the people that needed me, expecting them to be there for me when I needed them. And surprisingly, they were there for me at all times, despite the things I did and the words I said. Of course not everyone, but I’m glad, because now I know the people who can love me at my best, and handle me at my worst.

I’ve got involved in a relationship, I made a lot of mistakes there, I got my heart broken, and broken again and I’m still healing. But I’m glad, ’cause now I know what kind of people this World has to offer.

My Dad has left us this year, I don’t know if it’s my fault, but even if it is, I’m glad because now I know what a wonderful strong person my mother is, supporting me and my brother all on her own.

I’ve been ignorant to some of my duties, and I’ve learnt that there are consequences to everything, and unless you’re prepared, don’t go that way. I’m more responsible now.

I’ve grown a lot this year, and I’ve become a better person than I was last year.

I’m a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better student, and hopefully I’ll be a better girlfriend sometime soon.

I’ve become more mature and more independent now, and I can answer for my own mistakes.

So don’t let a couple of mistakes affect you, because, two wrongs always, always make a right.  ❤

xoxo

Sillyme.